Not everyone is social

At this stage in the game of life I'm into self acceptance - I am who I am.

One of the things I'm not is very social. Oh I like people all right and, when I get to know them, I enjoy people. But I just really suck at the getting to know them part. Making Friends isn't easy for me.

This fact of my lacking social skills hit me afresh last night at this "appetizers with the principal" thing at my son's middle school. First of all I most likely wouldn't even attend such an event because I've gone to the "breakfast with the principal" thing (they alternate and do an evening, then a morning, event every other month) this year and once a year is enough for me to feel informed. But last year the PTA ladies asked me to take notes at the one I did attend and I said that if they ever needed some help, just let me know (although I'm not so social I'm still basically a decent, helpful sort). So, I ended up taking notes at all the meet with the principal events as well as the PTA meetings. Then I noticed that when the beginning of the year paperwork came home this year that my name was listed as secretary on the PTA board - how'd that happen?! I guess it's an example of that no good deed goes unpunished kind of thing.

Anyway so there I was at the appetizers and smooze with your child's middle school administrative people. Only remember, I smooze not. To make matters worse, my understanding was that the event was from 6:30-7:30PM and my son (who should appreciate that I'm doing all this at his school but actually who could care less) is at football practice which ends at 7:30PM. The practice is less than a block away but I'd told him to wait and let me pick him up because it's dark by that time and there aren't any street lights in the area. The smooze fest started on time I guess, lots and lots of people were there eating and talking. But, and this is what I mean when I say I'm not very social, the REAL event didn't start until 7:10PM and I just kept thinking about the fact that I had to leave by 7:30PM. Fortunately I saw that it wasn't going to end on time so before the principal ever started his ramble I'd set up with this other PTA gal to finish taking the notes for me when I left.

But I was bored and uncomfortable that whole pre-event (the event being the principal giving his talk in my mind) time. I forced myself to walk around and smile and try (most of the time in vain) to think of something to say to those few people I knew in the crowd. I've only lived here a year and it's a small community so most of these folks appear to have known one anothers' families for years and gone through school together. I couldn't stop this feeling in the back of my mind that "normal" people would enjoy this kind of situation. Good food they didn't have to fix and people to hang out with and visit. I spent most of that 40 minutes sitting by myself in the back of the room once I'd ran out of people to say hello to. Worse to my "credit" was that I actually know I enjoyed watching these people interact with one another more than I would have enjoyed talking with them.