Time was that I was discouraged in my marriage. It was because I'd fallen into a trap.The trap is a common one, it's the I-love-you-based-on-how-you-make-me-feel-and-based-on-your-attributes-and-behavior.
This approach never works.
Whenever we get up really close and personal, and in marriage that happens in day to day living, we disappoint one another. Heck, I disappoint myself all the time. Everyone looks way better at a distance. We can keep our selfishness, irritability, and even low skills under control at a distance - but these all become crystal clear when living together. A lot of people would say that you just need to get to know your prospective partner really well before marriage and find someone whose faults you can live with. Although I will not totally disagree with that, I think the bigger issue is loving by choice.
As a Believer, I daily come before God and ask Him to search my heart, to show me my sins, and daily I seek His forgiveness. I live in constant gratefulness that God loves me just as I am. One of my favorite scriptures, Romans 5:8, is a reminder of this truth:
God demonstrates His own love toward us, that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.
In marriage, I get an opportunity to extend that same grace to my spouse. In 1 John 4:19 I'm encouraged to love as God has loved me:
We love, because He first loved us.
Not to mention that in 1 Corinthians 13:7 I learn these things about true love - that love:
bears all tings, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things
The really cool thing is that I notice the more I participate in this I choose to love you just as you are approach, the more my spouse becomes more lovable than I remember.
What's something you're learning about Marriage?
2 comments:
Very wise words indeed!
I have learned that I am a more selfish person than I am willing to admit. While this is not true in every circumstance, it is true in far too many. I am learning that love is not selfish and that I should give until it hurts and then give some more. Not an easy thing to do with all the thoughts that run through your head.
I am most definitely a work in progress and thank goodness that God and my hubs see the better side of me and are not willing to give up on me!
Gee Inge', I can so relate to what you say. I too struggle with selfishness and am grateful to my husband for choosing to see the best in me. Am always grateful for God's unconditional love.
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