Something interesting happened at work today.
To put the event into context:
I've been struggling at work since since that Terrible Tuesday meeting. I've struggled to get myself in to work in the morning and I've struggled with my attitude and emotions. But I've always become caught up in the tasks that comprise my day and given myself over to the completion of the seemingly unending tasks set before me to run the current program, work on audit corrections, see to it that our processes become entrenched, ensure that the new staff are trained, and pull together all the pieces that make up the opening of the new program next door.
At the end of 11 hour days I find myself exhausted and nodding off to sleep by around 9PM in the evening. Only to wake up around 2AM with thoughts swirling around in my head. I've tried to put into practice Philippians 4:6-7 and not worry about all that there is to be unhappy about my unfair treatment at work; to trust and praise God instead. But in the very early hours of this morning I just couldn't seem to do it. I'd started reading The Cure this week and have decided to read and think on a chapter each week. Although I can't say that I've found the book well written so far, I was deeply moved by the theme of choosing to trust God that dominated the first chapter. In those angst filled pre-dawn morning hours today I talked with God about how I want to trust Him but just can't seem to do it. It seemed as if the Holy Spirit brought Ephesians 2:8-9 to my mind; that it is God who, by His grace, gives us the gift of the ability to have faith, or trust, in Him.
So it is in this context that I drug myself in to work this morning. All the while wanting desperately to stay home.
Then God spoke to me.
And He did it through the warden's executive secretary.
I don't even know that she's a follower of God. She's a delightful person and she and I have always gotten along well but she's never indicated any faith to me so far in the almost year that we've worked together. But today she came to my office for some documents and she came in. She'd just found out about my demotion and began to speak to me. I expressed how much this has hurt me and voiced feelings of failure even though on another level I don't' feel like I've done anything wrong. She told me to look at her; then she said that I have done nothing wrong. She said that because that detainee died 3 weeks after we sent him to the acute hospital, everyone was looking for someone on whom to blame the death. She said that, unfortunately, that someone ended up being myself and the former warden. She told me that I'm a lot like the former warden in that we both give everything we've got, put our entire hearts into our jobs, which is why my heart is now broken. But she told me that she wants me to know that she knows I've done right and respects me tremendously and wants to make sure that I know that several people in "high positions" respect me as well. Then she went off into how this is bad company to work for because they treat their people wrong.
After she left my spirit felt encouraged. The despair with which I'd been struggling was lifted. It was as if God spoke through her right to my heart and said the words I so needed to hear.
Have you ever experienced a time when it seemed like God spoke through someone else directly to you?
Growing Old - Disgracefully
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