The illusion of Control

Have you ever been hit over the head by the fact that you can not control another human being?

I have. Several times.

One of the more valuable skills I've learned is how to back off.

I've learned this the hard way. I've failed in marriage in the past by trying to control my husband. When my now 21-yr old son was 17, we used to butt heads regularly; primarily because I was trying to control him. My first job where I was in a supervisory position, I tried to tell everyone exactly what to do and how to do it. Then I learned that it was way more effective to clarify the deliverables and deadlines, then let people achieve them in their own way.

It's a tight rope act, this backing off thing. I want to be available, supportive and helpful but not controlling. Of course sometimes the real problem is that I do want to control; because there's a part of me that always wants things my way.

But I can honestly say that I experience more peace today in my relationships than ever before and the biggest single reason is simply because I work at making sure I back off. I choose to accept people, my kids included, for who they are instead of who I want them to be.

What's a skill that's really helped you in your relationships?