You mean it's not about meeting expectations?

Last Friday I went to lunch with a couple of ladies I’m getting to know. As we were about to leave and go our separate ways, one of them hands me a book and says:

“I don’t usually read fiction books, but I couldn’t put this one down. Go ahead and read it, and then give it to someone else or give it back to me.”

I’ll admit that her intro about not reading fiction put me off a bit. But recently my husband John & I went on a get away, while at the beach I started to read the book she gave me. It’s entitled The Shack and is written by Wm. Paul Young. By the time I finished reading the forward, I was totally hooked into the book. John came by me as I was reading and noticed the tears running down my face on several occasions, but wise man that he is, he didn’t say a word.

One of the many themes in the book is relationship. How God wants to be in relationship with us. There are two statements made by the personification of God in the book that really struck me:

“I’ve never placed an expectation on you or anyone else. The idea behind expectations requires that someone does not know the future or outcome and is trying to control behavior to get the desired result. Humans try to control behavior largely through expectations. I know you and everything about you. Why would I have an expectation other than what I already know? That would be foolish. And beyond that, because I have no expectations, you never disappoint me.”

“What I do have is a constant and living expectancy in our relationship, and I give you an ability to respond to any situation and circumstance in which you find yourself. To the degree that you resort to expectations and responsibilities, to that degree you neither know me nor trust me.”

I don’t know about you, but for me these are radical thoughts.

Although my head knows God loves me; my heart is only beginning to experience this. Most of my life I have felt like such a disappointment to God and everyone else.

I recognize that a lot of this stems from how I grew up. There was some good stuff in my childhood and I definitely appreciate that my folks did the best they could with what they had. But my entire childhood was one of feeling separate and alone.

I’m grateful that God has brought a lot of healing into my life. I’m grateful that today I do have a few close friends and am learning how to be in healthy relationships. But relationships still aren’t easy for me.

It’s still easier for me to think about something concrete such as expectations, and then set about seeing how I can perfectly meet every single one, than to be in relationship. Maybe that’s why I’m so attracted to the writing of Christian mystics like Teresa of Avila and St Augustine; these folks spoke from, what seems to me, the depths of relationship with God.

What about you? Do you relate more to God in terms of expectations or expectancy?