Jeremiah 29:11: For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future."

Tuesday, January 1, 2019

Thoughts of Mom

Photo from Hive miner
I'm one of those people who's great in an emergency.  I'm calm and competent. That ability to
suppress my feelings and do what needs to get done is useful.

In March 2017 my mom died.  It's only been these last couple of months that I've felt anything.  Prior to that I've basically been numb.  I naively thought that I just didn't feel anything because she'd gone down hill in the last few years and was 92; that none of us lives forever and it was just her time to go.  The truth was that I was just numb.

It hasn't been heart wrenching lately - it's just that I miss her.  I especially miss the person she was prior to the last few years; let's say the woman I knew my entire life until she was around age 89.  She wasn't perfect.  One of my life regrets is that I spent too much of my time focusing on her failings instead of enjoying all the good.  There was lots of good.

We weren't super close as some mothers and daughter are.  Yet, we had our moments....she was really something.  Keen intellect, opinionated, energetic, and loyal.  Every day she liked to "read the Bible a bit" - what a wonderful legacy that was that she gave me.

What I miss most is getting to go for walks with her and just talk.  She loved that and so did I.  Wish I would have done more of that.  Wish I would have spoiled her more near the end.

Glad that I have so many good memories.  Things she gave me such as a love for reading, always learning, and never being pretentious.
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