God is good and I'm more than grateful for His great love for me. Grateful that Jesus took my sins on Him and has made me clean, grateful that the Holy Spirit lives inside of me and gives me hope, power, direction, conviction, and strength.
But have you ever noticed that sometimes, even though we have all these good and wondrous things as Believers in Christ, that sometimes life can sure knock you down? Sometimes it's hard to figure out why God's letting what's going on happen?
I remain ever grateful for the passage in Isaiah 55:6-12 that reminds me that His ways are not our ways, that He is God and there will always be much that I do not understand.
Now me, I struggle with being selfish (and if the truth be known, sometimes I'm a real whiner at heart).
A couple of years ago I was fired for the only time ever from a job. I'd worked for the company for close to 9 years, had an excellent track record, and had one of those 6 figure jobs. I was shocked and devastated; truly understood that phrase about feeling like the rug had been pulled out from under me. Like many people in similar circumstances I felt lost for quite a while after that, had troubles sleeping and struggled to find my place in life. Then, as I began to go to job interviews and was turned down one after another, well, let's just say that, although I've never stopped loving God and choosing to speak words of gratitude for all that the blessings in my life, I was struggling deep down inside with feelings of bewilderment and discouragement.
A few months ago I was hired for a job that was basically a step down position that paid less than half what I used to make. But I believe in what we're doing at this company, adore the people whom we serve, and really like my co workers and supervisors. Each and every day that I go to work I do my absolute best and the executive director has made it a point to tell me on a few occasions how happy they are with me. I enjoy my work days. But, ...if I'm candid, I long for more. Long to be in a position where I can use more of the skills that I worked for decades to develop.
So when I'm not at work I continue to try to make myself more marketable. Undertook some intense studying and passed an exam to acquire a certification in human resources. Continue to trust God while I try to do my part by continuing to apply for other positions.
Then just this past week it looked like God was opening a door. I'd seen a job last Sunday afternoon that looked great and was even close to my home (a very rare thing given that I live in a small resort town in the mountains of southern California); so I applied. On Monday that company's recruiter called me and we played phone tag but finally caught each other on Tuesday. She basically pre-screened me then set up for me to come in to their corporate offices (a close to 3hr drive from my home) to interview with several people. Prior to the interview she wanted me to complete their application on line. Since I would be leaving work early on Wednesday, I stayed late on Tuesday. After that I went home and worked on that application. For some reason the application took a long time to complete and then I decided that my resume didn't look good enough and I wanted to put my best foot forward so I re-worked my resume and made copies for Wednesday's interviews. Needless to say, I got very little sleep that night but ran well on Wednesday utilizing adrenaline. The first two interviews went great and I was thinking that God was really opening the doors, but then came the third interview. It went terrible. I've never had such a bad interview experience. That man and I were as far from "clicking" as is humanly possible. He kept asking "what do you mean by that?" and I kept explaining, using concrete, past work experience examples, and he kept coming to conclusions that were not the ones I was trying to make. I could tell that he was really not liking me. When the interview ended he took me into a waiting area while he went and handed by file to a woman behind a desk. I don't think they realized that I could see them; he wrote something in my file. The woman called the recruiter and when the recruiter came down the woman pointed to something that the man had written in my file and laughed. The recruiter however looked frustrated. She came out and spoke extremely kindly (like she felt sorry for me) to me and sent me on my way with an I'll call you comment (which I think we both know that she won't).
So I found myself asking - hey God, why'd I have to go through all that if I'm not even gonna get the job? Then I feel guilty, because of course my problems are extremely petty compared to all the other hardships in the world - hunger, victimization, death of a child, debilitating illness, etc. I mean honestly - how can I complain?
Oh but I can, because I'm human. Because this is my experience.
Wish that I could come up with some great and profound response to all this. But I can not. Instead I continue to move forward in what truth I do have, convinced that even though I do not understand it, God is in control of all things. Convinced that while it is not within my power to control all the outcomes, it is my responsibility to do what I know to do today.
What about you, ever have those experiences when things just don't seem to work? What do you do when that happens?