In John 10:10 Jesus promises His followers abundant life. This blog is about my life as His follower.

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Not everything that our kids do wrong is our fault

During his sermon on Sunday the pastor made a side comment with which I don't wholly agree. When we were at home later talking about all the thoughts that the sermon brought up, my husband John laughed when I mentioned this one and said he knew I'd have something to say about it.

The pastor had said that when he was a youth pastor he sometimes felt like parents brought their youth to him and had a "now you fix him" attitude. He basically said that they'd spent 12 years plus not spiritually investing in their kid and then expected him to fix the mess in just an hour or so once a week. Although I see his point, I don't think it's that simple.

First off there's not a parent out there who won't tell you that they have messed up at some point. No matter how much the parents love God and have sought to invest in their children, they are human beings and as such are prone to mess up. Secondly, I believe that parents can do a lot of things right, really love God and invest spiritually into their children, and when the child becomes a teen he may choose to follow a different path for a time. I've seen this happen repeatedly to people who I know, and have personally experienced it to some extent with one of my three sons.

What about you, do you think that if a teen is not following after God, then it must be because their parents messed up?


RCUBEs said...

I agree with you. It's not always the parent's fault. Though we have responsibility to guide our children, there are many factors out there that are also involved with their growth and reasoning. Like peer pressure, etc...

But if godly living doesn't start with us, as parents first, how can we expect to pass something like that with our children?

Thought provoking! Blessings.

David-FireAndGrace said...

For the most part yes. Here are some reasons.

- We are to train up a child in the way they should go. That means in resolving conflict, purity, kindness love, worship, service to others and all the rest. Ephesians 6:4

- We are to discuss the miraculous God at the table. Deuteronomy 6:6-9

- Many parents send their kids to public school. I don't agree with that. The Jews never would have sent their kids to Greek schools. (I realize that Christian Schools can be just as bad - but there is the Word in the worst of them - some are amazing.) Luke 2:45-47

A lot of parents, myself included, we want to have grace from our kids. And we want to have our dysfunction somehow magically put behind us. Yet as a church, few deal with generational curses and deliverance, while most fail at addiction recovery. Our divorce rates are as high as the world and single parent families are the norm.

I guess I just don't get how going to church once a week is going to change anyone? It takes prayer, relationship, accountability, longsuffering and love – most of which that average Christian has little time for.

So what are we off the hook for? Very little as far as I can tell. The fact that we didn't have the tools, certainly is forgivable, but it does not remove the responsibility.

So I get to raise my hand and say, "most of that which my kids do, is my fault."

Thank God for grace!

Victor S E Moubarak said...

Thank you for praying for me when I was not well.

God bless.

Chel's Leaving a Legacy said...

I agree with you; I believe there is a balance there. We have much responsibility as parents, but there is really only so much we can do. I believe that's why the Scripture says "Bring up a child...and when he is old he will not depart from it." God knows our tendencies.

JD Curtis said...

I don't doubt at all that the pastor noticed that "he sometimes felt like parents brought their youth to him and had a "now you fix him" attitude".

It speaks to the sorry state of parenting these days. Pastors and counselors should be the auxillary, not primary instructors that parents should be.

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