An experience with the examen prayer

Photo from Fine Art America

Last night I was praying the examen with an emphasis on shifts.  The questions were about if I'd noticed shifts in myself during the past week, months or even years.  To think on those shifts and ask God to bring any specific one to mind.  

I kept looking for negative shifts, but the Holy Spirit kept bringing me back to the fact that there's been a shift in my attitude this past year as I've sought him to be my everything.  I know that repentance is important so I was seeking in my mind for some sin, some negative shift...but God kept bringing me back to this increased desire for Him.  I'm not sure how to describe this, but it was as if God wanted me to know that He was pleased.  I was overwhelmed with a sense of it...I cried a little bit because it was so encompassing and wonderful.

I'm reminded again of a couple of verses.  The second half of Romans 2:4 (TPT):

Do you realize that all the wealth of his extravagant kindness is meant to melt your heart and lead you to repentance?

The first half of Hosea 11:4:

I drew them with gentle cords

with band of love

This is who God is.  He is love.

This morning I read a translated poem by St Teresa of Avila that explains this experience so well (and it blows my mind that here I am relating to a woman who lived in Spain from 1515 - 1582):

                                                HE DESIRED ME SO I CAME CLOSER

                                                     He desired me so I cam close.

                                              No one can near God unless He has

                                                          prepared a bed for 

                                                                   you.

                                          A thousand souls hear His call every second,

                                  but most every one then looks into their life's mirror and

                                              says, "I am not worthy to leave this

                                                                  sadness.

                                              When I first heard His courting song, I too

                                                     looked at all I had done in my life

                                                                  and said,

                                              "How can I gaze into His omnipresent eyes?"

                                                        I spoke these words with all

                                                                    my heart,

                                            but then He sang again, a song even sweeter,

                                and when I tried to shame myself once more from His presence

                                        God showed compassion and spoke a divine truth,

                                                "I made you dear, and all I made is perfect.

                                                            Please come close, for I

                                                                        desire

                                                                          you."