God shows up on the Inside of me

Photo from The History and Meaning of Lavender Roses

I never cease to be amazed at God's goodness to me.

I've been reading a book entitled Sacred Rhythms by Ruth Haley Barton that is about practices you can incorporate into your life. Barton emphasizes how it's not about earning anything from God by doing these things, it's about making yourself more available to God.

This morning when I came to my time with God I knew I'd had a bad attitude lately.  I've been super overwhelmed by the work load at my job. This Covid-19 thing has caused a TON of extra work in the  SNF (skilled nursing facility) world.  I'm grateful that we don't have any cases yet but still DPH (department of public health) is there all the time, calling me, I have to do online survey every day (even my days off or when I take a few vacation days) before noon and I have to report our PPE supplies daily.  My job is super challenging just ordinarily, but with COVID it's gotten to place where I've struggled with those feelings of this is just too much!!

So I come to God and I remember anew my bad attitude and start to say I'm sorry and that I know I need to change.  Then I have this super  quick experience, I'm not sure exactly how to explain it, but's it's like God shows up on the inside of me.  The Holy Spirit wells up in me and I start out by saying my words of apology/repentance to God, but then I start hearing myself saying words about how I need to stop saying all these things about it being too much and start thanking God that it is He Who will give me the energy I need to do these things...I don't know how to explain this but it was a spiritual experience.  God infused me with faith and hope and a view of a different way of living. I wasn't engaging in any of these spiritual practices such as Lecto Divina or solitude & silence or anything else.  It was just me on my couch trying to come to God and feeling kind of guilty and disconnected. I'd recently gone to visit my son & his family in Monterey so my typical rhythms were off and I'd not had quality morning time with God lately.  Everything's been rushed with me getting up earlier and trying to get into work earlier so I can get more accomplished, and then working late and being exhausted.  The main thing I'm trying to express here is I haven't been doing anything right, but here's God showing up for me any way.  Talk about the best One to be in a relationship with - God's definitely THE ONE!  Don't get me wrong, my husband's great and I love him & am grateful for him; but sometimes we disappoint each other.  And I'm a classic romantic who longs for romance...but God, man He's the best!

I just wanted to take a moment and try to write down this experience.  Because I'm grateful and I want to remember these precious moments.  I treasure these experiences.