Moments

Photo from Nelly Cherry

Sometimes there's a moment in time that becomes fixed in your mind.

There were a few such moments during our last class at CRC.

The men have a workbook through which we are working.  Each week they receive a chapter that they work through on their own prior to class. The class includes 35 men and is set up so that there's a general opening introduction regarding the chapter we're working on that week. Then we break up into 3 smaller groups to allow for more intimate discussion.

When part of the discussion involved stuff that happened during their childhoods, I was moved by how truly terrible things had been for some of these guys. One man talked about how, starting when he was 6 years old, he had to get the money he needed if he expected to eat that day.  Another mentioned how there'd never been any kind of routine in his house since life had revolved around his mom doing whatever it took for her to get drugs. As I listened to bits and pieces of the nightmare experiences that comprised many of these young men's childhoods, I couldn't help but think why would we be surprised these guys ended up involved in criminal activities?

Several guys really grabbed my heart with their comments during our discussion about long term goals. Here are some of those comments that got me:

* "I feel kind of funny saying this and you might think I'm weird, but one of my long term goals is to not have a kid with anyone unless I'm married to her.  I already have one child but I'm not going to have any more unless I'm married to the mother before we have children.  My dad must have something like 20 children wandering around with lots of different women, I don't want to be like that."

* "You know, my dad's been in and out of prison my whole life.  This last time he's been out the longest he's ever been out - two years.  Everyone says I'm just gonna be like my dad, but I'm not.  When I get out my goal is to never come back to prison. I want to be different."

* There was a very quiet young man who I had to encourage to speak. He tentatively said, "I'm not sure if this counts as a goal, but I want to get my GED." When he made this announcement a few of the other inmates made comments such as "that will only be the beginning. You can do that and then keep going", "way to go, good for you", and a few clapped for him.

I was hit again, as I was last week, with that pervasive feeling emanating from many of the young men in that room. It was Desire.  Desire to change.  Anxiety about if they would be able to.  A bit of puzzlement as to how to really do it.

It is so rare in life that I come across such sincerity of heart in people who want to become different, who want to be better. I can't express what a joy it is to get to teach people with this attitude.

I pray for each of these men and look forward to seeing how God's gonna work in them.