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It's just that I can't let go and let myself feel all the pain. I have to put it aside for now and use my head so I can act wisely. Seeing my mom right now - more than 2 weeks of not eating and the last 6 days of not drinking - seeing her gasping for air and the rattle in her chest. It's awful beyond words.
All I can do it give her 0.25ml Morphine every 3 hours to ensure she's pain free. Periodically reposition her in what would seem to be a comfortable position. Occasionally hold her hand and say how much I love her. Sing the old hymns she so likes with the hope that it comforts her spirit.
I'm grateful that Romans 8:26 assures me that the Spirit of God helps me pray. I have a few words to say but my heart is longing with more than I know how to say. I don't really understand why my mom can't just die instead of going through all this.
I feel so powerless.