Lately I've been so very very tired. I went to the doctor about this once before and she ran labs and prescribed a medication for my thyroid that really helped. When I changed jobs this last August I had to wait 30 days and then change insurance. The short of the story is that I last took that medicine in November and it is now March and I am tired. I did labs a couple of weeks ago and have a follow up appointment with my new insurance NP this coming Thursday. Hopefully I'll get the medicine and feel better again.
Anyway. So I'm tired. And I work with my specific DON who is both the best and the worst. She's charismatic, funny, brilliant, capable. She lies, manipulates, procrastinates and is always trying to maneuver to get herself more money. She makes me tired.
Lately I'm struggling to drag myself out of bed in the morning to get to work. I'm struggling to not have a bad attitude toward my work. I'm forcing myself to look at all the good things and choose to put my focus there instead of on the bad things.
Recently I read the following oh so appropriate words in 1 Thessalonians 5:16-22 (ESV):
16 Rejoice always, 17 pray without ceasing,18 give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. 19 Do not quench the Spirit. 20 Do not despise prophecies, 21 but test everything; hold fast what is good. 22 Abstain from every form of evil.
This is how I want to live my life!
I want to constantly think and verbalize words of gratitude rather than discontent.
Oh Father God, You've got to change me on the inside. Because who I am is a person who wants things my way and who is too easily displeased. I recognize that Your ways are not my ways and that You use every circumstance and situation to my good. Help me remember that and live my life grateful. Thanks for all the good things in my life. Thank You that I have a job and I can make a difference.
In light of this I want to reflect on some good stuff that happened at my job just this past week:
- The housekeeping supervisor, who is an ESL person, told me that she prays for me every day. She told me that she knows my job is hard. She said that she thinks I'm just the right person for this job and that she's happy I'm her boss.
- My boss understood and supported me when I requested that she not send a specific regional type person into my building any more. I explained that she is too critical and mean to my people and that I'll discipline them if that's needed. I need consultants who help, not who criticize. I'm grateful that I have a boss who really understands what I'm talking about.
- Our rehab coordinator just told me that I'm the first administrator who she's worked with in this building that is so involved. That felt so good to hear because I feel like such a failure sometimes. I feel like I'm not involved enough. I feel like I end up spending way more time in my office than I want. I feel like I'm not changing things fast enough. I'm not having the impact that I want to have.
- There's a long term patient who always asks for me. She's kind of a drain because she just wants to hang out with me and I have so much to do. But she's precious and I'm glad that maybe I can make life just a little bit better for her.
- The new young man I hired as maintenance director. He allows me to speak truth into his life. He is trying to do a really good job and is working hard.
Good things from the past week in my personal life:
- My youngest son. He is such a godly young man that I'm amazed. How did I get a son like this?! He calls me once a week and just shares what's going on in his life and asks what's up with me. He works super hard in college and has all As while following a very difficult course of study (chemical engineering). He consistently is drawn to international students and forms friendships with them. Because his faith is such a part of his life, he's frequently discussing what he believes and how his faith affects his daily life, with his friends at school.
- My daughter in law Rachel emailed me this week. She shared details about what's happening in her life. I live for this type of sharing!
- My husband. He's constantly supportive. He BBQs meat and makes salad so we can have healthy dinners.
Gosh, when I think on all of this, how can I be discouraged and frustrated. I am so blessed.
3 comments:
Could you try starting with a scripture memorizing plan to daily help you speak the gospel into your life? Maybe start small, but memorize and retain something new every month. Repeat God's word to yourself in this chaotic world of disillusionment.
Reading this reminds me of all the long phone conversations we've had in the past-about your work and the challenges, but you always encouraged me with the blessings. I miss that.
Mike-Helpful suggestion. I've been drawn lately toward memorizing the Word and thinking on truth routinely.
Paula - I was just thinking this week about how much I miss you and the way we could always talk. I remember once giving on of my kids, I think Dylan, a ride someplace and you and I were talking in the car. After you got out he said to me in amazement "How can you guys talk so MUCH!
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