Prayer for Devon

Photo graphic from Christ Church

Devon is my oldest son.  It's hard to believe it but he's already 31 years old - how did that happen?!  He's got so many wonderful things about it and I'm  grateful for the wonderful man he is.  Grateful for his heart of integrity.  He has his wounds too, because of my sin and failures when he was growing up.

I'm reading the Bible and other books as I seek to learn to pray.  This is the prayer I felt led to craft and am praying over Devon currently:

Father God, I praise You that You are the all knowing all powerful God!  I praise You that You have good plans for me and my children.  Thank You that You knew who I would be, the good and the bad, and that You chose to bless me with Devon as a son.  I praise You because I know that You love Devon more than I do.  Thank that you still chose me to be his mother; that amidst all my failings, I am the one you wanted to impact my son.  I praise You that You who began a good work in Devon will be faithful to complete it.

I ask forgiveness for the ways I’ve failed Devon.  For way his father and I’s messed-up-ness created holes in Devon’s heart.  I ask forgiveness for that unhealthy marriage that I participated in with Dale and all the pain and damage it inflicted upon Devon.  Please restore and heal his broken heart. I ask forgiveness for the fact that I wasn’t always present for Devon; that sometimes I failed to deal with the pain of life and chose to slip into food, daydreams, relationships and other things to numb out pain.   I’m sorry God, I was wrong.  I thank You for Your forgiveness.  Please dear God heal the parts of Devon that are broken because of mine, his father’s, and Dale’s failures.

Oh Father I pray that Devon would be a man who delights in You, whose pleasure and passion are remaining true to You. Father may Devon be a man who hides Your words deep in his heart and thinks on them throughout his days and nights.  Oh Holy Spirit empower Devon to experience You endless love beyond measure that transcends his understanding; may he be overflowing with Your love. May he be intelligent and discerning in knowing You personally. May Devon be firm like a tree deeply rooted by the brooks of bliss and bear fruit in every season of his life.  May Devon never be dry, never fainting, but experience your endless energy and boundless strength. May Devon refrain from pride and sarcasm, instead, make him a lover of people.  May Devon take up residence in a life of love.  Help him to daily make it as clear as he can to all he meets that he’s on their side, working with them and not against them.

Oh Holy Spirit please rise up big within Devon and give him what it takes to be a Husband and Father. May he demonstrate Your love toward Rachel.  May he be self sacrificing in that relationship.  Teach Devon how to be a father to his children dear God; bring resources into he and Rachel’s lives to help them continue to grow as parents.  Help Devon practice loving discipline with his children.  Open his eyes to who each of his children are as individuals and grant him insight into how to help each of them grow in the individual gifts You’ve bestowed upon them.

Father You are not a respecter of persons so I ask for you to bless Devon just as you did Joseph and David of old. Please put Your favor on Devon just as You did Joseph; so that everywhere Devon works both his superiors and those he supervises will be drawn to him and give him respect and authority.  May Devon be a leader like David; may he lead with skill and integrity of heart. May he care for the hearts of his wife, children, and the people he leads at work and in his community. Father please grant Devon the open hearts of those whom he leads so that he may speak truth into their lives.   .

Prayer for Lincoln

Graphic from Greater Kashmir

My heart aches for my grandson Lincoln.  My son Dylan, Lincoln's father, has been clean and sober for 3 years and I'm so grateful!  Lincoln is 5.  Lincoln's mother (who is now not with his father) is still in that old, unhealthy, lifestyle.  Dylan and his ex share custody of Lincoln.  I can see how broken little Lincoln is; he engages in a lot of acting out and lashing out at others.  You know that old saying about how hurting and broken people hurt others?  Well, Lincoln's mom hurts him a lot; from what we're told she slaps, pinches, uses curse words at him and demeans him. Today when Dylan and I were talking, God opened up my heart to be able to share some advice with Dylan to get Lincoln into therapy and Dylan was open, receptive and appreciative.

I spent time in the word and developed this prayer for Lincoln:

Father God, I praise You that You are the all knowing all powerful God!  I praise You that You have good plans for my children and my grandchildren.  Thank You that You knew who Dylan would be, the good and the bad, and that You chose to bless him with Lincoln as a son.  I praise You because I know that You love Dylan and Lincoln more than I do.  Thank that you still chose Dylan to be Lincoln’s father; that amidst all the things that you know would grow wrong with Dylan and Kelsie, You still choose to bring Lincoln into their lives.  I affirm that I know that Dylan is the one You want to impact his son.  I praise You that You who began a good work in both Dylan and Lincoln will be faithful to complete it.

I ask forgiveness for the ways Lincoln has been failed.  For all the pain his parent’s failed marriage inflicted upon him and for all the pain his father’s human frailties have had upon him.  Father I intercede and ask forgiveness for the sins of Kelsie against Lincoln.  Oh Father God, may your love pierce her heart and cause her to repent of the evil she’s inflicting on Lincoln.  Dear Lord, please do what it takes to bring her into right actions toward her son.  Father, may you put your mighty warrior angels around Lincoln to protect him in the midst of what is happening to him. Oh Lord, I ask for a miracle, that Lincoln would come to know You in a personal and intimate way even at such a young age, so that he would know in the deepest part of his heart that he’s never alone.

Dear Lord I ask that You would direct Dylan’s way and help him to find a good therapist for little Lincoln; one who will accept his insurance and who specializes in working with children.  Oh dear Lord, please use this therapist to bring healing into Lincoln’s heart and life.  Father help this therapist to help Dylan and Liz to know how to work in the best way for with Lincoln.  Teach them how to specifically discipline Lincoln when he needs it.  For we know that discipline is an important part of lovingly parenting and teaching our children – but how are they to discipline a little boy who’s so broken?  Who’s acting out in hurtful ways because he is hurting so bad?  Oh Holy God, You alone are all wise and powerful.  Please provide Dylan and Liz the resources they need to be trained up and empowered to meet Lincoln’s special needs.  Use this therapist and whomever else You choose to help them learn the best way to love, discipline and parent Lincoln.

Father I know that you don’t play favorites; so I ask that you grant Lincoln favor with those around him just like you did Joseph through all those hard times he went through.  Please put your favor on Lincoln.  Help those in his life to be inexplicably drawn to him.  May his school teacher have the patience and persistence to truly care for him and try to help him.  Oh dear Lord, I ask that Lincoln would not be labeled as “bad”.  Oh God may Lincoln know at the deepest level of his personhood that he is good, valuable, and loved by You.

Lord I ask that You would do a deep and mighty work in Lincoln’s heart.  Give him the opportunity to learn about You and Your ways. Empower Lincoln oh Holy Spirit to have a handle on his anger and to learn not to lash out at others. As he grows dear Lord, teach Lincoln how to listen deeply and to think before he speaks.  Father bring him the resources he needs to enable him to enunciate and speak so that others can easily understand him. May he be a boy who delights in following after You.  Please keep him away from those who are wicked and who make fun of others.  Help Lincoln to be a person who takes pleasure and passion in You and Your Word.  Help him to think on You, Your love, Your ways and Your truth. May his life be like a firm tree that is deeply rooted by the brooks of bliss, and may his life be fruitful.  Please bless and prosper Lincoln.

Stepping through an uncomfortable door

Photo from Outrageous Happiness #16

So I started a group through a local church where I live during the work week.  I participated in this
same group last spring.  It's at a generous-to-open-her-home woman's house.  Last spring I appreciated this woman's love for, and enthusiasm for, God.  I'd noticed that I'm a bit different from the rest of the group of women but figure that we're all in the same body, despite our differences.  I am thinking that perhaps God uses our differences to make us better.

Everyone in this group, aside from me, is Mexican.  Mexican in the kind of way where they all speak Spanish sometimes and make trips to Mexico at least annually where they have friends and family.  In a way where they identify with liberal politics because of those immigration issues.

I'm a white conservative. I'm conservative because I actually believe in the values of smaller government, self determination, and I am absolutely pro life.  Recently I went to mass with my oldest son.  I noticed that in their affirmations of what they believe that they said they were against the death penalty.  I get it - all life is precious.  In the past I've been in favor of the death penalty because I felt like we couldn't afford to keep for sure, killed many people, types of folks in prison - it's very expensive.  But now I don't know.  Anyway, I'm definitely on the opposite side of things from most liberals.  Last spring a few things came up that were uncomfortable - times when they spoke well of Nancy Pelosi (she's the congress woman from our state - California.  I know she's valuable before God; but I abhor her politics).   Yet, when it's all said and done, I'm a follower of Christ way before I'm a conservative.  And the two are NOT the same.

The group had stopped for the summer and began again this past Thursday.

As I stepped through the door of this woman's house I wanted to hug her.  She's my sister in Christ.  She's precious in the way she loves Jesus.  But she definitely wasn't hugging me so I smiled and greeted her and sat down.  I noticed that she hugged the 2 women who came in after me.  Of course it could be something in my own demeanor that kept her from extending a warm hug toward me.  I know that I don't exactly exude hugginess.

The truth is - I'm a little bit uncomfortable.  I feel like maybe I'm not really a part of the group.  But, for now I'll just pray about it.  Maybe it's good for me to be out of my comfort zone.  It's possible it's good for them too - who knows?

The really ironic thing about it is that this group will be going through the book Uninvited: Living Loved when you  feel Less then, Left out, and Lonely by Lysa TerKeurst. Isn't that intersting?

Prayer for Daniel

Graphic from The Children's Activity Center

Seems like I'll be spending quite a bit of time on the chapter entitled "Your family: fortifying the lives of those you love" in Shirer's book Fervent.

Yesterday I prayed and spent time looking up Scriptures for my prayer for my youngest son Daniel. I've been praying about what I'm to specifically, strategically, pray for Daniel.  Then, as I began to write out the prayer words, something happened that sometimes happens for me.  I found myself writing words that weren't the ones I planned. It's as if God's directed my words to place where I hadn't planned on going.  If I were in a Pentecostal church, they'd probably say I was prophesying.  I don't know about all that, but I do know that sometimes God give me words for people.

Here's my prayer for Daniel:                                                                                                                 

Father God, I praise You that You are the all knowing all powerful God!  I praise You that You have good plans for me and my children.  Thank You that You knew who I would be, the good and the bad, and that You chose to bless me with Daniel as a son.  I praise You because I know that You love Daniel more than I do.  Thank that You still chose me to be his mother; that amidst all my failings, I am the one you wanted to impact my son.  I praise You that You who began a good work in Daniel will be faithful to complete it.

I ask forgiveness for the ways I’ve failed Daniel.  For all the pain his father and I’s failed marriage inflicted upon him – I’m so sorry God.  Please restore and heal his broken heart. I ask forgiveness for the fact that I wasn’t always present for Daniel; that sometimes I failed to deal with the pain of life and chose to slip into food, daydreams, relationships and other things to numb out pain.   I’m sorry God, I was wrong.  I thank You for Your forgiveness.  Please dear God heal the parts of Daniel that are broken because of mine and his father’s failures.

Father I pray that Your Holy Spirit within Daniel would raise up in him the desire to delight himself in You.  Draw him to Yourself dear God. Holy Spirit teach my son how to delight in you. I thank You that You will make Daniel’s steps firm as he delights in You.

Father, please heal the holes in Daniel that are resulting in fractured relationships.  Oh Lord, make Daniel a lover of the people around him.  Teach him how to love.  Father teach Daniel to love in a way that never gives up.  Help him to grow to love others more than himself.  May Daniel not have a swelled head or seek himself first. Help him not keep score of the sins of others.  Help him trust You and trust people to You. Dear God please help Daniel’s love to grow and increase beyond measure, bringing him into the rich revelation of spiritual insight in all things. Dear God pour love on Daniel so that if fills his life and splashes over on everyone around him.  May his life be infused with strength and purity, filled with confidence in the presence of You. 

Father I pray for Daniel’s future wife.  Please keep her close to You.  Develop in her a tender humility and quiet patience.  Father may she be a person who demonstrates gentleness and a generous love toward others.  May she be a woman who speaks when she has something worthwhile to say.  May she be a person of kind words.  May she be a woman who seeks to cultivate inner beauty; make her a loyal, wise woman. Show her the work you have for her dear Lord and grant her confidence in Your calling on her life.  Please grant her the opportunities to develop her gifts and skills for the work to which You’ve called her.  Develop in her a heart of diligence.  Make her a person who can enjoy the good material things of life, but who doesn’t have to have the material stuff.  Raise within her a spirit of giving and a heart of simplicity.

Oh Father, bring Daniel and his future wife together in Your perfect timing.  Help them both wait on the other.  Please bless them with the kind of attraction and affinity where they’re totally taken with one another.  Help them both see, and build up the good in one another.  Enable and empower them to be responsive to one another.  Teach Daniel how to honor , delight in and be good to his wife.  Give him a heart that will seek to truly hear and know what is important to her and to value those things.  Empower him to be good to his wife.

May it be said of Daniel that he is a lover of You, his wife, his children and everyone around him.  May his life be marked by excellence in everything he does.  May he always have time, room, and hospitality for the people you’ve placed in his life.

Prayer to to be a better wife

Graphic from Kabbalah of Marriage

It's looking like I'm going to be in Shirer's fifth chapter about fortifying the lives of those you love for quite a while.  It opens up so many doors for me.  

Today I decided to focus on my own role as a wife.  After having spent time looking up Bible verses, meditating, and praying, here's my prayer regarding being a wife: 

Father I thank You that You are the giver of good things.  I thank You for marriage.  You’ve created that divine mystery of how a man charms a woman and the two make love and become one.  It is truly magnificent and is Your creation. Marriage mirrors Your love for the church, your people throughout the earth and throughout time.   I praise You as the creative engineer, maker of good things, all powerful and holy one.

Father I ask forgiveness for the ways I’ve failed in marriage:

Failed to make two prior attempts at marriage to work. 

Failed to keep myself pure outside of marriage.

Times when I’ve chosen to care more for myself than my husband.

Times when I’ve flown off the handle.

Times when I’ve focused on the flaws in my husband instead of looking for the best.

Times when I’ve spoken unkindly.

Times when I’ve been tired and lazy in my approach to our home and relationship.

Times when I’ve not been supportive of my husband, when I’ve been impatient and short with him.

Times when I’ve kept a score of what he’s done wrong.

Times when I’ve been more consumed with my needs then seeking to see, and care for, his needs.

Father I ask forgiveness for all these past failures of mine – thank You for Your forgiveness!

All powerful, all mighty God, please change me.

Grant me the focus, energy and ability to become a better person and a better wife.  By Your power in me Lord, help me be devoted to John.  Empower me to be supportive.  Open my eyes to recognize his needs and be responsive to them.  Help me seek his good over that of my own.  Oh Holy Spirit put a guard on my lips and let no hurtful words slip past them. Grant me the wisdom, insight, focus and energy to cultivate good between John and I.  Illuminate my mind to what cultivating good between us should like like, and how to do just that in every day life. May I be a woman who pursues peace everywhere I go and especially in our marriage. May I put up with those human failings that are specifically John’s and overflow in love toward him in spite of them.  May I never want what I don’t have but instead live in gratitude for the good that is mine.  May I engage in more than obligation, may I seek to be pleasing to him. May I trust You always and know that You’ve given me this man and this relationship.  Help me rejoice and celebrate all the good that is mine.

It's not her fault

Graphic from NPQ

Now that my mother is gone, we have nothing to hold us together my sisters and I.

I've recently forced myself to start visiting my oldest sister once a month.  It's easy to feel  overwhelmed by work demands and make excuses, let the time go way too long between visits.  Plus, if I'm honest, it's not really fun in any way to visit my oldest sister.  She's annoying and manipulative; but she's still my sister and she doesn't really have any friends. So I decided to just make a commitment to myself to ensure I see her once a month.  But I can't seem to even want to make myself go looking for my middle sister.  I haven't seen her since mom died. She's the sister who's a paranoid schizophrenic.

My middle sister's daughter told me that she's camping out in the orange groves over by where we grew up.  From before the time I was born in 1960, until the late 90s my parents owned 5 acres and a home out in what ended up being an area where people had orange groves.  They built their home with their own hands and added onto it as they could afford.  We grew up there and it was home.  But in the last few years of my father's life he became ill and wasn't able to keep it up, so that by the time he died, there was quite a bit of work to be done.  My mom sold it all (and then later squandered all the money). I don't think middle sister has come to terms with their death so it's as if she's trying to keep a piece of that life.  Plus it's quiet out there and. apparently, no one bothers her.  Maybe she has a PO box to get her social security disability checks and she'll rent a hotel for the too cold weeks.  Luckily the weather is rather pleasant all the time in southern California.  She was always really good at pioneer, camping type stuff.

I've noticed lately at work that the courts are letting people off conservatorship super easily.  On the one hand I understand that everyone should have the right to autonomy, on the other hand, people with extreme mental illness make such poor decisions that can cause harm to themselves and others. Middle sister never even got onto conservatorship.  She did end up with some acute hospital hospitalizations through her life.  When she was in her mid to late 40s she finally got onto social security for her mental illness.  It was a wonder she lasted so long.  She won't take meds and she has a lot of non reality based beliefs.  These beliefs are about things such as rays from TV/radio/cell phone infringing on her, or people being out to do her bad.  I don't think she sees things or hears voices, I'm not sure.  I don't think she would have ever told me if she did. As is typical for people who have schizophrenia, she has a difficult time pulling things together - she's unkept and so is any area where she lives.   She'll "clean" over and over sometimes, and things around her may even be damp from the cleaning, but it's always disorganized. 

My heart goes out to her.  I think perhaps I'm a bad person for not actively seeking her out and trying to help her in some ways.  She's just so resistive, and it hurts me so much when I hear her saying such delusional nonsense.  Why is it that I can work with mentally ill people but not even take the initiative to try to be there for my sister?  What's wrong with me?  So much of my life was burdened under the heaviness of her illness, I never felt any resentment, but it wasn't comfortable.  It was even painful.  It feels so hopeless.

Oh Father God, please protect Gail.  Please keep her safe and fed.  Bring her happiness.  If You want me to do something specific for her, please show me and give me the strength/ability to do it.  I don't think I'm a good sister but You are a good God.  Please bless her, she's so broken and it's not her fault.

A prayer to remember

Graphic from It's All about Yeshua

The 4th chapter in Shirer's book Fervent is a call to a prayer time to help you remember your identity in Christ.  After reading through her verses as well as some more that I found, this is my prayer:

Dear Father God, You truly are my hero!  You are the almighty God, yet You chose to love me.   You chose to start a covenant with Abraham and Sarah that led down through the generations to me. Even though all humanity, and especially me, was filled with sin, willfulness and rebellion, You chose the path of love toward us.  You chose to become one of us and identify with our human frailty and suffering; I can never thank You enough for that dear Jesus! Thank You Jesus for dying on the cross. I’m in the process of learning what Your death on the cross means; the more I learn the more grateful I become – praise and glory be to Your name for all You’ve done for me and the rest of humanity! Thank You so much that you don’t hold my sins against me! Thank You that I never need to fear not being good enough – You have made me Your beloved child, Thank You father that You’ve put Your Holy Spirit within me. I can barely comprehend Your great love toward me; You say that I’m so important to You that You’ve written my name on the backs on Your hands – oh my goodness, thank You so much!!!

Father I ask forgiveness; forgiveness for choosing too often to believe the enemy’s lies about who I am instead of Your truth. I ask forgiveness for not valuing myself – my mind, body and soul – as You do.  Oh Father please forgive me for eating food that doesn’t nourish this incredible body that You’ve given me.  Forgive me for filling this mind with less than lovely things that don’t bring those things that You have for me into my life.  Forgive me for self doubt and criticism. Forgive me for harboring unforgiveness, bitterness and self pity within my spirit.   For choosing to veer off Your path of service to others and choosing to just look out for myself instead. Thank You for Your forgiveness.  I repent of these ways and choose to start anew today.

Empower me oh Holy Spirit within me to change. Please put a guard on my lips that I not speak those words of self doubt and criticism that come into my mind from the enemy or the fallen world around me; instead, please call back to my mind who You say I am.  Help me to remember and speak aloud the fact that You have destined me from before the foundation of the world to experience the full inheritance of the kingdom realm. Grow me Lord in understanding Your kingdom and how to live a Kingdom lifestyle.  Please help me see people as You see them and serve them as You.  Instill deep within me the assurance that You will complete that which You started in me – that I will become better and better not because of my goodness, but because of who You are. Empower me dear Lord to live each day in the awareness that You have a destiny for me and, because of Your greatness, I will fulfill Your destiny for me.