|Photo from America Explained|
All I could feel was gratitude. In the early morning hours, when I'd watched my mom's body struggling for each breath she took, I'd prayed asking God to just let her go in peace. I'd said that it was all too much, she shouldn't have it so hard. So then, to hear she'd passed, was a relief. I'm encouraged to know that the 1 Corinthians 5:8 assures me that those of faith are present with God when they leave these bodies behind.
I was talking with John today about how I grateful I am for these past few months because I've been able to spend more time with mom. I'd bring food over to her house and cook a meal that we'd share together. We'd hang out and visit. She was still relatively healthy, and totally lucid, until the very end. I'm so grateful that I had that time. If I'd been working I would not have been able to spend as much time with her. It's interesting because of course I'd been deeply disturbed when I was let go at my job. In the ensuing months I'd applied for numerous jobs. I'd interviewed for 4 specific jobs that I could really see myself in, knew I was qualified for, and felt I did well during the interview - but never got the job.
Looking at it now, I'm just grateful for the time I've had. Time to be with hear when things were good. Time with her during her last days. There was one night during those hospice days at home that stands out in my mind. She'd taken my hand and kissed it. At that point she was lucid but extremely difficult to understand when she talked to us. I was surprised and touched when she did that because it was not something my mom would do.
You just never know what God's got planned. I can only see what's right in front of me, but God's got the big picture.